Smooth Words

By SilkySmooth

Well folks, it's veen a long time, but I'm back to lay the smack down on the world of professional wrestling. First, we'll start by attacking Goldberg. When the hell is this overgrown, should-be jobber going to actually lose. (Besides his first ever match in which he lost, but nobody ever seems to talk about that huh?) I'm tired of hearing about Goldberg. Goldberg sucks! You know it, I know it, and WCW seems to be figuring it out. Perhaps they might suprise us all and actually have Big Sexy defeat Goldberg! Speaking of Nash, why has WCW turned him into such a pussy lately? Nash came in to WCW kicking ass and not giving a damn about taking any damn names. Yet, when the whole Wolfpac leaving the NWO thing happened, Nash became so damn pussified. That's right, y'all know what I'm talking 'bout! What they need to do is have this match at Starrcade, but first they need to build it up by having Nash continually harass Goldberg about him being "NEXT" and so on. Then, at the match, have the Wolfpac turn heel by beating the shit out of Goldberg and have Nash win the title. This would not only make me the happiest pro wrestling fan, but it will also bring interest back to the Wolfpac. Imagine it, Nash as a heel, which is what he plays best. And having the Wolfpac doing cool stuff like kicking ass and spray-painting people. Not only that, but have the Wolfpac start actually getting more members. Let's have Lex Luger (the head of Wolfpac recruiting) actually start doing his damn job. Instead of jobbing to everyone else, like he's been doing. First new member: Scott Hall! If all of these rumors about Hogan retiring are true, then the Wolfpac is going to have to pick up the slack, because they would be the only NWO left, there's no way NWO-Hollywood would be able to stay together without their God! So have The Wolfpac recruit people like Buff, Big Papa Pump, and possibly even the Giant. Then have them go back to taking over the WCW. The Outsiders and their homies taking over. That's the NWO I remember, and the NWO I loved. I miss it. Bring it back!
Now that we've covered WCW/NWO, let's turn our attention to the best of the best, The World Wrestling Federation. First off, why the hell is the WWF trying to revive the women's division? Remember the last time this was tried? The women's title ended up in a trash can on Nitro. Thank you Alundra Blaze.......or was that Madusa? Oh wait, that's right, it's nothing now. Unless you consider a truck stop waitress a good gimmick. Hey! Wait a minute! That could work! Yeah, she could storm the ring and knock people over the head with numerous items like frying pans, skillets, and baking sheets. Hell, she could even bring the kitchen sink!!!!!!..............No, it'll never work....... unless......... anybody know the phone number to the home office of ECW? Anyway, this women's division will eventually die out due to lack of interest. I mean come on, just how long can you stare at Sable's breasts?......... Okay, so maybe it won't lose interest. However, I know something that already has lost interest. That's the Light Heavyweight Division. We've had this division for what, almost 2 years now, and we're only on our second champion? And just who is that champion? It's Christian, that's right Christian! Does anybody else picture Urkel when I mention the name Christian? Anyway, let's go throught the numerous Light Heavyweight Division. I can name only nine. First, the champ, Urkel. Then you have Urkel's brother Edge. They're not actually brothers, but hey, they look alike! Good enough for me. Next, X-Pac, but he's too busy with DX and the European title to worry about the Light Heavyweight Division. Next, you have the tag team Too Much. "Too Sexy" Brian Christopher and Scott "Too Hot" Taylor are TOO BUSY with each other (if ya smell what I'm cooking) to worry about the division. So we have 4 left, Dick Togo, Sho Funaki, Something Taeoh, and the former champ, Taka Michinoku. Hey wait, aren't they Kaientai? Oh that's right, and when was the last time anybody saw them? Man this division sucks. Kill it already, show me one person who cares about this division and I'll show you a thermometer from hell that reads 0 degrees celcius. Anyway, let's now congratulate The Rock, my favorite wrestler, on winning the World Heavyweight Title. The Rock is a great wrestler with great mic skills and charisma, he deserves it. Not only is he the champ, but he's now a part of the newly formed Corporate Stable. I'll admit, when I first heard the idea of this corporate stable, I didn't like it, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. Just think of how much the marks will hate these guys. Oh man, it'll be great, Mr. McMahon has created another winner with this idea. Not only is Mr. McMahon a genius in the pro wrestling field, but he's also a great actor, he actually makes all those marks hate him, when they used to love him. Let us all praise the glory that is Vince McMahon and the Corporate Champion; The Rock!!!!! Well ladies and gentlemen, it's been too long since I've done this. I've missed laying down my opinions and feelings on the pro wrestling world to all of you internet junkies.
Oh, and one last thing, those who didn't agree with anything in my article; SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KNOW YOUR DAMN ROLE!!!!!

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